god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
