Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
