i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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