Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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