hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You were trust falling into bushes
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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