I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
