I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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