a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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