so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
