Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
