Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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