So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
In America we eat man semen.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
