I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
