Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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