He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
