Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
