Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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