Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
