I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
lol hangovers are for mortals.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
