just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize