I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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