LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
