We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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