Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
