So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
