So drunk its hurt
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
