I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
