Pappa wants mamma naked
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
