just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize