Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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