I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
