I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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