he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize