I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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