i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
