one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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