party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
