You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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