I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
