During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
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