SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
