yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
