just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
