dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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