Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
