If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
