i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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