he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
