So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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