She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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