That's intense
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
