I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
