Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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