Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
