This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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