I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
