Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize