you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
