Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
