rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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