I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
