Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
