I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
