i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Houston, we have a blender
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
