I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
