We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
