Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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