We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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