haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize