New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize