it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
