I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
That accounts for only three of the penises
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
