I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
