My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
