i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Randomize
