Michael Bay diarrhea
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize
