I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
